The Day That Changed My Life
A night of mistakes, a game lost, and a lesson that changed everything.
A night of mistakes, a game lost, and a lesson that changed everything.
I wrote this a year ago but never dared to share it.
You might appreciate my honesty—or you might judge me.
But the message is too important to keep to myself. So, I drank some lion’s milk and hit publish.
I hope that even if it doesn’t change your life the way it changed mine, it at least makes it a little better.
***
I asked her to come to my hotel. “Meet me downstairs.”
I quickly took a cold shower, trying to hide my embarrassment somehow. It didn’t work.
With a frozen body, a red face, and messy hair, I left my room.
She was waiting in the lobby. She looked happy. She was smiling.
She stopped smiling when she saw me.
“Take me to that street you were talking about,” I said.
That wasn’t what she expected to hear when she came to my hotel.
I could tell by her look.
She didn’t ask me if I was serious. Or if I was crazy. She knew I was. She could see it from my look.
We drove for about 30 minutes.
Then she said, “I’ll park here and wait for you. Go straight, then left, then right.” She kissed me and said, “Hopefully, you’ll be back. And this won’t be your last day.”
Jakarta has many nice places and many dangerous places. Many nice people and many dangerous people.
At that moment, the most dangerous guy was walking down the most dangerous street.
I was mad. I was angry. I couldn’t find the right word in the vocabulary.
The alley she pointed out was dark. A lot of horror movies could have been filmed here.
I was wondering how many people had taken their last breaths in those streets.
And if anyone had been like me, feeling they deserved it.
In round 7, I beat the Russian Grandmaster Oleg Korneev and took the lead in the strong Indonesian Open Tournament 2012.
I was a superstar, staying in the tournament lobby.
But nobody cared about me, not even myself.
We would have cared if it weren’t for her. A combination of Cleopatra’s eyes, Gal Gadot’s smile, and Salma Hayek’s body…
She stopped the air and froze the moment.
It didn’t surprise me at all when I later learned she was a famous model in Indonesia.
I was getting aesthetic pleasure from looking at what all of us were looking at when the living legend of Philippine chess, Eugene Torre’s wife—one of the most charming and energetic women I’ve ever seen for her age, (I was calling her Aunt Amelia)—walked towards me.
With my dear Aunt Amelia. Budapest, 2024.
Twelve years after that day—and she still remembered!
She took my hand, and led me to her.
“Mega (I’m not writing her real name here), this is Avo. Avo, this is Mega,” and she left.
HA! That easy?! I loved it!
She asked me the first question. Then the second. Then the third.
I felt like I was the model in the room. I felt good.
After an hour, we were at my place.
The sun touched my eyes and forced me to open them.
I checked the time on my phone. 2 PM…
Madre mía…
The game was starting in just one hour!
Pre-final round.
I could see the tournament hall and the chess table ready in my mind.
Board No.1
GM Avetik Grigoryan (2,600) vs. GM Li Chao (2,681)
But I could also see my jeans and black shirt on the floor, together with two bottles of whiskey on the table.
I tried to pull myself together. Had a sandwich, drank a few cups of coffee.
It didn’t help. And I didn’t have time to prepare for the game.
On the first board, with the White pieces, in the pre-final round of a big international tournament with a $100,000 prize fund, I managed to play one of the worst games of my life.
GM Li Chao. 📸🙏 Eeuropechess.org
I was already lost on move 16. I’d make a move, he’d freeze, slowly lift his gaze, look at me, and almost say, “Avo, what the heck are you doing, man?”
Soon, I stopped the clock, putting an end to my misery.
I quickly left the playing hall and ran to my room. I couldn’t hold back my tears, and I didn’t want anyone to see me.
My lungs were collapsing. Oxygen wasn’t reaching my brain. The blood flow had stopped. My body was falling apart. I was falling apart. I wouldn’t have survived that stress if I hadn’t been in my early twenties…
I had many, many painful games in my life. Many important games that I blew away. Just like every professional athlete.
But I had never been so close to death…
I had never lost my mind like that. I had never found myself in dangerous streets of other countries. I had never found myself in situations where I was the most dangerous person in the room.
But then, that day, within hours… I was walking into that street, staring at everyone's faces as they looked at me. I wanted someone to fight me. I wanted to be beaten.
I sat down in the alley and continued to cry.
A big man—with different eyes and skin color than mine, with a different heart than what I had at that moment—sat next to me. He didn’t speak to me. He didn’t beat me.
He was chewing on a piece of chicken and had water in his hand. He gave me both.
I ate, drank, hugged him, and left.
Mega was waiting for me. She took me back to my hotel.
I kissed her cheek and went to my room alone.
After the tournament, when I calmed down, I tried to understand what had happened to me. Why did I take that defeat so badly?
And then I realized that I wasn’t angry because I lost.
I was angry at myself. At what I had done… I couldn’t forgive myself.
I wasn’t swearing at luck, the pairings, or the tournament hall.
I was swearing at myself!
All the bad thoughts and words people have ever had about me—if we combined them all—would not even be 1% of how I was trashing myself.
I was representing my country. My family was watching the games live. My friends were rooting for me. And me?
In the pre-final round… On the first board… Instead of preparing for the game and getting a good rest, I had spent the night with bottles of whiskey and Asian Cleopatra.
I believe that from every defeat, we can learn valuable lessons.
That was the first time I lost. Not in chess—I had lost hundreds of times before.
That was the first time I had lost to myself.
So, I designed a simple rule for myself, and since then, I have tried to follow it.
My Simple Rule – ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST!
In everything I do—on and off the chessboard,
In relationships, ChessMood, health, and beyond,
In moments of growth, challenge, and uncertainty,
Whether I’m resting or facing life’s toughest moments,
I just DO my BEST.
And if I do my best, and things don’t work out, I handle them easier. I forgive myself easier.
“Just do your best, Avo” became my manifesto, and it completely changed my life.
That day in Jakarta was my worst day, and now I’m grateful I had it.
The Takeaway #1
In the article “The Smiling Pillow, Todd Herman, and the Thief”, I’ve shared with you the idea of a smiling pillow.
The only thing you can control is doing your best and making your pillow smile at night.
When you look back at the day, can you sincerely tell your pillow you did your best?
The Takeaway #2
Whenever you fail, whenever you do something incredibly stupid, you can ask yourself—WHY?
Why did I fail? Why did I do that stupid thing? Why have I lost my peace?
Often you’ll come to strong realizations that might change your whole life.
Chess requires you to be honest with yourself. Everything meaningful in life does.
***
Surely, you have had such days. And surely, you and I will both have more.
Let’s just take the most out of them. Because those days can change our lives.
With best wishes and love,
For your growth and fun journey,
GM Avetik (or Avo, as my friends call me)
P. S. If you’ve ever had a bad day that later became a turning point in your life, please share it on our forum.
And don’t Google “Indonesian Model Mega.”
Haha 😆 As I said earlier, I changed her name in the article—Mega isn’t her real name. And BTW, she had a beautiful soul, too.
The Smiling Pillow, Todd Herman, and the Thief
Objectivity - the key ingredient for your growth
5 Crucial Steps to Stop Bad Results in Chess
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Originally published Feb 05, 2025