Why Most People Fail at Goals (and How to Be the Exception)

He made my day… and then immediately unmade it. 

At breakfast with the team a few days ago, our tech lead announced he’s set on raising his rating by 400 points in 2025 — from 1,300 to 1,700.

I loved it! With his drive and persistence — or at least the version of him I thought I knew — I had zero doubts he’d make it happen.

Just to check in and help him get the most out of ChessMood, I asked my go-to question: “How much time can you dedicate to chess each week?” 

In that moment, he became Thor, slamming his lightning hammer straight into my brain.

Source: digitalspy.com

“I don’t have time, Avo, you know that. I already have so many tasks, and now you’ve come up with your AI coach idea.
It’s going to be a tough year. Maybe I can squeeze in a few days a week to play some chess online.” 

BAM! My best guy wants to raise 400 points without practically doing anything.

But here’s the thing: this is exactly what most chess lovers — and not just chess lovers — tend to do.

Having goals in the air. Without a plan. Just hope. 

This isn’t goal setting. It's just wishing. 

"I wish I could raise 400 points."
"I wish I could lose 20 pounds."
"I wish I could make $100k this year."

There are Two Ways

Well, there is a very advanced way of goal setting and achieving, a Jedi-level approach. 

You believe in the goal first. 

Then you build a fortress of “whys” around it. You visualize it so clearly you could draw it in your sleep. You affirm it every morning, every night, until your unconscious mind starts seeing paths and doors you never noticed before.

And then, almost like magic, you take action.

But that’s next-level stuff. Really, really advanced. And very dangerous!
(I’ll slowly walk you through it in a series of articles.)

For now, let’s stick to something simpler: 

Focus on what you can control. Focus on what’s actually in your hands.

If it’s about raising your rating, don’t just say, “I’ll raise 400 points.”
Instead, break it down: “I’ll finish this course, then that one, read this book, then the next, play X hours a day, analyze my games for X hours a week, and so on.”

If it’s about losing weight, don’t just say, “I’ll lose 20 pounds.”
Instead, have a concrete plan: “I’ll go to the gym three times a week, cut out sugar, allow myself one cheat day per week, and so on."

If it’s about raising your income, don’t just say, “I’ll make 100k this year.” Instead, plan it out: “I’ll reach out to 10 potential clients every week, learn this new skill, finish that certification, start a side hustle, and so on.”  

You get the idea.
Break it down into steps you can actually take. 

Yeah, and ignore the last one, if you’re already a millionaire, haha 😁

The Power of Bold Commitments

And here’s a hot sauce you can add to it. 

It’s better to announce it loudly. Commit boldly. Burn the bridges. 

I once met a guy who stood in front of 50 people and promised that if he didn’t hit $5k monthly income by year-end, he’d pull out his front two teeth. (Yeah, I know. Crazy, right?)

I met him again in December. He still had his teeth and was already thinking about what goal to set next.

But when you commit, it should be something that stings — a promise you truly, absolutely intend to keep.
Not something like, “I’ll jump off a bridge.”

Your word should be your honor.

My Turn (But Not Yet) 

To join the party, I’ll commit too — loudly. I’ll email it or post it in the forum.
But not now.

This year has been… brutal. The toughest year of my life. (Will tell you later what I’ve gone through.)

In a few days, I’ll be heading to a retreat. I’ll switch everything off and clear my mind. 

Once I’m back with a clear mind, I’ll do it!

BTW, here’s a pro tip:
Never set goals when you’re angry, excited, or exhausted. 

Emotions cloud clarity. 

Harness Your Tricky Brain 

And the last thing. 

Before you commit to anything, ask yourself:

“Why am I doing this?”

“Will it make me happier?”

“Why will it?”

If you don’t have the answers, your brain will trick you and you’ll never do it!

I’ve been “trying” to lose my belly for three years now. (It’s small, but since I never had one before, it feels huge.) I can’t do it. You know why? 

Because deep down, I don’t see it making a difference in my happiness level.

I guess if my wife told me she’d love me more, I’d go for it. But she hasn’t. Haha 😊

Or maybe, just maybe, she’ll say it once she reads this.

***

I’m wishing you a very happy New Year, and a joyful December 31st, 2025. (Exactly one year from today!)

When, before stepping into the new year, you look back and see how much you’ve accomplished — in chess, your hobbies, and life. How full it was with happy emotions. And you feel, “I’m insanely awesome!”

See you next year, my friend!

With best wishes and love,
For your growth and fun journey,
GM Avetik (or Avo as my friends call me)

P. S. Share your commitments here.

Originally published Dec 28, 2024

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