Stop Chasing Rating Points and Titles. Do This First

How is it that we humans are so smart, that we learned to build airplanes and rockets, computers and AI, split the atom and land on the moon, but we didn't learn to be happy?

I grabbed this question and went to my wise coach Rao Srikumar, whom I call uncle.

He listened with his adorable smile, nodded calmly, and said:

"There are many reasons, Avo, but here is the main one. We're programmed to be unhappy. And we keep getting programmed."

"Programmed? What? How? Who?" was written all over my face.

“From a young age,”  he continued, "we're programmed to believe in the if-then model. ‘If x happens then I’ll be happy.’ 

We live in the ‘Do->Have->Be’ model.

If I do well at school, then I’ll have a good job.
If I have a good job, then I’ll make good money. 
If I make good money, then I’ll have a big house, nice car, and a pretty wife.
If I do all this, then I’ll be happy.

On top of that, we're constantly bombarded by advertisers and reminded that we're not enough. Promised that if we have X and do Y, happiness is waiting on the other side.

So people grind and grind, chasing that Rolex, that brand new Mercedes, that big house in Beverly Hills, believing happiness is waiting there.

And when they finally get it all and happiness is still not there, they don't question the model. They question themselves. Their Do's and Have's.

Maybe I wanted the wrong things? Maybe I did the wrong things?

So they start over, new doing, new having, and the same question follows them around like a shadow. Why am I not happy?"

He took a slow breath and finished with a sad voice.

"This if-then model is a trap. It’s what makes us unhappy.
What we need to do is switch from Do->Have->Be into Be->Do->Have.  
BE should come first. Everything else follows."

Sounded smart and logical and philosophical, and everything else but NOT practical.

I had so many things on my shoulders. So much work to do. So many early mornings and late nights ahead.

How could I find time to BE first? C'mon!

But then I remembered how many times I was skeptical about his teachings and found magic only after I tried them. How many successful people he has trained. And how much I actually trust him.

I also looked at my emotional rating, sitting at minus 2,000.

That helped.

I gave myself a 90-day trial.
I'll BE HAPPY FIRST! Decided!

You know what I did then?
When there were one thousand things on my shoulders, on Dec 29 just before New Year, I flew to Thailand.

It was time to get my emotional rating back.

I turned my phone off for two weeks. No work. No courses. No articles. No AI tools. No hiring. Zero doing. ONLY BEING.

Two weeks later I was at +2,000. Ready to get back to ChessMood.
But first I made one promise to myself. I would keep BEING first before doing anything.

So I would spend long mornings near the beach, walking, listening to my favorite songs, reading my favorite books, eating mango and passion fruit, drinking coffee on slow mode, smiling, dreaming. And only when I felt full of joy and happiness would I touch my laptop.

Have you ever played chess in magic mode, when you see every tactic, make brilliant sacrifices, win game after game, then the next day, then the next, and suddenly you realize you've climbed 100 points?

That was me. But in life.

Clarity of vision - fixed.
Motivation and inspiration - back. 
Flow and productivity during worktime - peak.
More strong teammates we were hiring - appeared out of nowhere.
Health - at peak.
Mood - at peak.
Fun - all the time.

Everything started to click together.

My emotional rating was going up and up and up.
Soon it jumped from -2,000 to +20,000!

I don't know if it was the clean energy, or the law of attraction, or something I simply don't have a name for yet. But it was magical.

I was puzzled by how this all worked until I looked back at my life and realized it had always worked exactly this way.

Every magical thing that ever happened to me happened when I was BEING first.

I was in love with chess. My soul was full of enthusiasm and excitement each time I sat at the board. I trained effortlessly. It wasn’t really hard work. Then I became a Grandmaster.

I was full of joy and wild energy. Met my future wife.

I was a happy man in the moments when I met my future amazing friends and teammates.

And all magical things happened when I wasn't trapped in Do->Have->Be, but was in the Be->Do->Have.

Including chess.

I have never played a good game in a bad mood. Never won a tournament when there was darkness inside me. All my best games, my best results, my biggest victories happened when I was in the mood, when I felt good before I even touched the pieces.

Remember our slogan at ChessMood?

Right Mood - Right Move!

You can't feel bad, have low energy, be in a dark mood, and play good chess. It works the other way around. Right mood leads to right moves.

So if you are in the state of ”if I train hard and reach 2,000, then I'll feel good” - flip it.

BE first. Be happy. Be in joy. Feel good. Play chess in this state. And you'll have your 2,000 rating, or whatever your dream is, with a much higher chance.

The same is true for life.

Not Do->Have->Be, as we have been told our whole lives.

Be->Do->Have.

I know it's scary to try. I’ve been there.

But if you can find courage to try it, if you can give yourself even 7 days of BEING first, before the work and the grinding and the achieving, you’ll see the Magic.

In your life. And at the board.

With best wishes and love,
For your growth and fun journey,
GM Avetik (or Avo, as my friends call me) ♥️

________

My coach taught me many lessons and one by one I’m sharing them with you. 
Here are few I already did, if you missed them: 

Good Thing, Bad Thing… Who Knows?

Why We Get Angry & How to Sweeten the Soul

How the Small Trips You Take Shape Your Life and Chess

But this “BE->DO->HAVE” was his biggest gift to me. 

I hope it becomes a gift for you too.

Not from me though. I'm just the FedEx guy, delivering wisdom one package at a time. The gift is from him.

And if you want to say thank you to Dr. Rao Srikumar, today is the perfect day. He just turned 75 🎂😍

Send him your wishes here.